The Wild Ride of Infertility

New blog site in hopes that Insta and Facebook get on board! 

I've had a few days to digest our latest doctor's appointment.  Luckily, I haven't been googling every new diagnosis, or reading too much into everything we learned, because honestly, we didn't get any bad news! Our latest appointment with our High Risk Doctor was probably the best appointment we've had since we started to learn of any negative conditions pertaining to this pregnancy.  As most do, our appointment started with an ultrasound.  Our tech was so bubbly and sweet.  Both boys were moving around like crazy and she kept commenting on how active they were!  We saw Baby Wright suck his thumb and Baby Brendan take a practice breath!  Baby Brendan's fluid is still low but that was to be expected.  He had a full stomach and bladder though so we know he's still making fluid!  Baby Wright's fluid looked great and he was doing acrobatics!  She did a blood flow test and took some more scans (I can never hardly tell what they are looking at, but I'm

I like to think I'm not an overly anxious person.  When things are thrown my way I handle them or cast them aside but typically don't let things ruffle my feathers too much.  Now, there are exceptions.  Some things will throw me into a complete spiral.  This past Sunday, that's exactly what happened.  It was just like any other day lately.  Me, trying to take it easy.  Not excelling in that department.  I have a two and a half year old, fiery red head.  She's my everything and it takes all that I have not to do everything she wants and needs of me.  I can't turn "mommy-ing" off. That morning, she wanted to shower with me, so in the shower we went.  Midway through my shower I noticed I was bleeding.  I tried to hide it from her, but honestly it was too much to conceal.  She ticked right along playing in her bubbles as I tried as hard as I could to hold it together.  I knew that bleeding was an option.  My amniotic fluid from the day before was pink and I

First, let me start by saying that the Holy Spirit IS PRESENT.  One person can not fathom the love, support, prayer, faith and devotion all of you have shown.  I am overwhelmed by the response we have gotten from all of you and could not be more thankful.  So THANK YOU.  I know God is hearing your prayers and it means the absolute world to me. For a lot of you wondering, we have explored our options.  We discussed transferring to hospitals around the country.  We discussed being admitted now instead of waiting until the 23 week mark.  We considered all of the Level 4 NICUS.  We made the decision that was right for us.  The team I have behind me at Sacred Heart supports me.  Like I've said before, I am SO LUCKY to personally know three of the OB's at Sacred Heart.  Not only do I know them, I respect them and I am SO grateful for them.  I know if I transferred to a bigger hospital I would just be another patient.  To these three amazing doctors I feel I am not just another char

September 11, 2019 I wake up on this morning thinking maybe I had another leaking episode.  I kind of brush it off and go about my day.  I’ve got to get Mabel to school on time.  No time to lose.  After I drop Mabel off I am headed to run some errands and a gush happens.  What the heck, I thought I was done with these. Needless to say it was enough to alarm me but it was exactly what happened the previous Monday so I wasn’t worried.  A few hours later at lunch, it happens again. Gotta get moving, I have to go pick up Mabel from school, I’ll have to deal with this after pickup.  Luckily, Mabel, per usual wants to ride home with Kathryn, so I tell her I’m going to run home and clean up.  On my way home, it happens again.  By this time I’m a little more concerned but not freaking out.  I text my doctor and he tells me to come in just so he can see me before the weekend.  Thankfully Mabel is taken care of, so I rush up to my doctor’s office. Per usual, we start with an ultrasound.  Bab

September 9, 2019 I wake up around 4am.  My shorts are wet.  My panties are wet.  What in the heck?  Surely I haven’t wet the bed.  Surely, that’s not what that is...  How embarrassing.  I go get cleaned up and crawl back in bed.  My curiosity again gets the best of me and I take to the deep dark web.  Always such a terrible idea.   I read myself into crazy and decide to text my friend who is an OB and ask her thoughts.  She says it’s most likely urine (I’m mortified) but to keep an eye on it.  If I keep leaking to come in and have it checked.  I go on about my day with no issues until we sit down for dinner.  I can feel the fluid coming out.  I know for sure I am not tee-teeing on myself.  Remember that same dress that I bled all over around 12 weeks?  Well now that dress is wet.   I text my friend whose a doctor and my actual a doctor and they both tell me to come in just to be sure. I arrive at Labor and Delivery around 8:00.  My doctor comes in soon after I arrive.  I’ve alread

September 4th, 2019 I’ve been feeling good and I am very hopeful that my previa has moved up and out of the way.  Maybe I can start at least walking again!  We go in for my ultrasound and the babies are kicking and moving with strong heartbeats. This was the first ultrasound I had where they checked the babies size by more than just their crown to rump length.  They measured their heads, femur lengths and a couple of other measurements.  They move so fast I couldn’t keep up.  I can still see the clot on the screen but know I am going to have to wait to talk to the Doctor about that.   My doctor comes in and tells me the good news:  No more previa!  Yay!!!!  I can do light exercise!  Starting out with some walking, if that goes well I can even introduce spinning. I am overjoyed!  Still on pelvic rest which is a bummer but I’ll take the exercise! There is a little bit of concerning news for me but my doctor tells me he’s not worried.  Baby B is measuring about 6 days behind.  I was

Let me first let you in on how many times I’ve tried to figure out what the gender of my babies are... Before we even transferred our embryos, we had them PGS tested.  As previously mentioned, those tests came back inconclusive.  Had they not, I would’ve had an idea of what genders I would’ve been transferring. At ten weeks, I had my blood drawn for genetic abnormalities and the genders.  I planned a gender reveal for around eleven weeks as I figured that was when my results would come in.  Well, they came in, but guess what?! Inconclusive. They cannot perform the test on those that have a vanishing twin/triplet. Ugh.  They tell us we won’t know the genders until around 16 weeks during an ultrasound. Back up to my last ultrasound at my previous doctors office at 12 weeks... the ultrasound tells us not go out buying pink and blue outfits but that if should could guess by looking at our ultrasound, it was a boy and a girl!!!  Pretty much the whole time we were out West, when we dis

We’ve finally come to terms with the clot.  I’m upset that I’m on bed rest.  Like, depressed.  I am an active person.  I need to be moving.  We were going Out West to hike, to be active, to be outside, to spend our last vacation as family of three together doing whatever we want.  I wanted this vacation to spend with my daughter, taking her all over the mountains and running and chasing her and just immersing myself with her.  I needed the vacation with my husband.  Things have been a little tumultuous at home with me being a bit crazy about my pregnancy and work and everything else life was throwing at us.  The last thing I wanted was to be upset before we left.  Problem was, I was upset and I felt so guilty.  I kept telling myself to be happy!  You’re pregnant!  With TWO babies.  Take it easy for them.  You’re doing this for them.  I was so happy about that, it was the rest that was getting to me.  I knew I needed to do my best to swallow my pride and let this vacation be everything

July 15, 2019 I wake up in the middle of the night to use the restroom, like I do typically, many times a night, due to pregnancy.  Although this time I’m met with much more than I anticipated.  Blood, and an alarming amount.  I immediately get cleaned up and get back in bed and just hope it away.  Obviously, my anxiety gets the best of me, I text my mom, ask her if she can come over to watch Mabel.  She obviously jumps in the car and is there before I can even get Brendan up and informed on what is going on. I’ll be honest.  On our way to the hospital that night, I had told myself that this was it.  It was happening, again.  We were admitted and they ran all of the appropriate tests.  All I wanted to see was the ultrasound.  We were in the ER, so after we checked all of the boxes and a few hours later, the ultrasound tech came in.  She did her thing and said nothing.  The screen wasn’t pointed toward me but Brendan was doing his best to decipher the grainy images on the screen.  I

We enjoyed a great July 4th and weren’t able to hide my pregnancy from anyone.  With all of the progesterone and estrogen funneling through my body I already had the “progesterone bump”.  I was happy to finally be able to share a pregnancy with family and friends regardless if I was only 10 weeks pregnant!  Everyone pretty much had the same reaction about twins, but I think we expected that!! July 8, 2019 This was my first scheduled ultrasound with Dr. Hood at Sacred Heart OBGYN.  I was excited.  I had developed a great relationship with Dr. Hood during and after my pregnancy with Mabel. I knew she would be so happy for us! We had a great ultrasound followed by a pretty standard doctor visit.  I was told to stay on all of my currents meds until 12 weeks and stay on pelvic rest until then as well.  We were sent on our way and told we would see her again in about a month. Here is our ultrasound :)

June 19, 2019 Although we didn’t know it, this day would mark our last visit at our Fertility Clinic for this pregnancy.  We went in for our second ultrasound and got great results!  Two healthy heartbeats!  The third sac was still visible but diminishing greatly in size.  They told us at the end of our appointment that we had graduated and it was time to start appointments with my regular OB.  Yay!  They were so kind and gave us nice departure gifts.  Our weekly drives to Pensacola were over. Our final ultrasound at New Leaders in Fertility:

It almost pains me to write this after finishing up my last post.  Days later the Bahamas was ripped apart and our favorite Home Away From Home was absolutely destroyed.  Still praying for all of those affected by the storm. —— I was so anxious to leave the Bahamas so I could get home and have my blood drawn and get an ultrasound!  My ultrasound was already scheduled but they wanted a good round of Beta HCG draws before I came in.  We flew home on a Saturday and I was in the lab when it opened first thing Monday morning.  After my labs, I took my daughter, Mabel on a walk to keep my mind from driving me crazy waiting on the results.  I had no idea that my Fertility Clinic was going to call me while I was on my walk.  It was still morning!  It was a new nurse on the phone and she said “I just wanted you to know your levels look good and we’ll see you at your scheduled ultrasound”.  What?!  I asked how good?!  What are my numbers and now I’ve started crying.  She says they are 20,000 and

Not long after my first positive pregnancy test in the Bahamas, we come home from dinner with all of our friends to what I would classify as “Vacation Ruiner”.  I am bleeding.  It’s not a ton, but it’s enough to scare me to death.  I was angry, mad, scared and overwhelmed.  I knew that there was not anything anyone could do for someone at 4-5 weeks pregnant.  I just especially knew there was absolutely nothing I or anyone could do for me on a tiny island in the rural Bahamas.  Luckily for me, I had some of my closest friends with me and they comforted me for the rest our vacation. I only had the one bleed and fortunately was able to speak to my nurse back home and she assured me as long as it wasn’t persistent that it could be perfectly normal. The Bahamas is one of my favorite places in the world. It’s almost impossible not to have fun and relax there.  This was the first time, even after a month of bad weather there the previous year, that I could remember being ready to leave.  I

I know I'm fortunate to find out I'm pregnant in some pretty spectacular places.. Bora Bora in 2015, Destin, Florida in 2015, 2016 (successfully), 2017, and multiple times in 2018, and in the Bahamas in 2019.  Fortunate for the locations, not for most of the outcomes. We were going back to the same house on the same island as we had gone the year before.  The same house I had confirmed yet another pregnancy that was lost. Let's be honest, I was so ready to go to the Bahamas.  Go on a vacation with family and friends after all of the head spinning, hormone induced crazy I had experienced over the past 6 months. My husband and I needed the break. We needed a chance to be us without all of the medication, without all of the stress.  Little did I know how much more stressful this would be.  The day after we arrived it was time to test. May 19th, 2019 I woke up at daylight knowing I was going to test.  Everyone in the house was asleep.  It. Is. Positive.  OMG!  My first

Here is a list of my meds and my protocol leading up to my Frozen Transfer. May 14, 2019 - Transfer Day! This was the easiest part of the whole process!  We went in, I laid down.  The embryologist gave the doctor the embryos, he inserted them, I laid still for ten minutes and we left. Totally painless.  My doctor was super positive, as were all of the nurses.  It was an awesome moment.  I was officially PUPO.  Not my favorite term 😆 but it means "Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise". Brendan and I right after our transfer! Now, let's go to the Bahamas!

I was told in the days leading up to my Egg Retrieval that my numbers looked great!  11 follicles on the right ovary and 9 on the left ovary.  20 possibilities!  We were so excited.  The administration of the shots and the scheduling was a little nerve wracking (I hate needles) but I got through it and it truly wasn't that bad. April 1st, 2019.  On the day of the retrieval I woke up to find we had 18 Eggs! It was time to start praying.  I knew in the next 5 days I would be told how many were mature, fertilized, day 1, day 3 and day 5 embryos. 24 hours after my retrieval I was told out of the 18 retrieved, only 13 were mature and 11 fertilized.  It knocked the wind out of me but 11, I could be positive about 11! Day 3, there were 7.  I was still holding onto hope! Day 5, there were 4!  FOUR!! I CAN HANDLE 4!!   Then I got the call... while we were taking our daughter to her first trip to Disney World.  "After we tried to biopsy your eggs we found that one

It’s a weird thing to want something to be wrong with you.  Who would wish for their doctor to tell them that they have a condition?  Me.  Why?  If he could give me a diagnosis then there undoubtedly would be a solution!  There would be a cause for all of this misery.  I could use an excuse for why I was experiencing miscarriage after miscarriage.   If it was a polyp we could remove it, if my progesterone was low, we could supplement it, if the lining of my uterus was too thin we could try to fix that too!  The only problem was, after all the testing: the blood draws, the biopsies, the ultrasounds, the hysteroscopy.. There was nothing.  Not one glaring issue. Not even a combination of small issues.  Plus my husband’s sperm was perfect.  So they diagnosed me with Unexplained Secondary Infertility/ Unexplained Multiple Recurrent Loss.  Basically meaning, we have no explanation for why you keep miscarrying.  It’s just bad luck.  BAD LUCK?! 7 miscarriages isn’t just bad luck it’s like livi

Christmas 2017... Get my Beta HCG draws, never any numbers over 23.  I find out Christmas Eve that I'm miscarrying.  Pregnancy resolves naturally. Keep Trying... 4 failed months of trying.  Trying so damn hard my marriage is struggling because of it.   May 2018... We head to the Bahamas to find out while we're there, that we're pregnant again! Get home to do my Beta HCG Draws.  Almost identical situation to my previous pregnancy.  Never any numbers over 24.  Another Miscarriage... this time I don't know if I can try again... August 2018... We are in Colorado on vacation and I start feeling really terrible.  There's no way I'm pregnant because I just had my period, but I'm bleeding again?  I go take a test.  Positive.  WHAT?  I end up spending that night in the ER in fear of an ectopic pregnancy.  Luckily, it resolved on its own.  Positive pregnancy test are now daunting.  I almost want them to be negative as much as I want them to be

Thanks be to God!  What an amazing day!! Every single tear was worth this moment! Born via induction, at 9:05pm on December 20, 2016.  8 pounds, 5 ounces of perfection.  21 1/2 inches long.    With red hair!

Most women can't say they enjoyed being pregnant.  I LOVED it!  I was so happy to be pregnant. I felt good. I walked 5 miles a day (apart from those two weeks that I was diagnosed with partial previa, which thankfully resolved on its own). I had a lot of energy (well until the third trimester).  But all in all I was just happy! We were so excited we were going to be having a baby girl.  We had heard the heart beat, gotten great blood work back from our genetic testing.  Everything was looking perfect and we couldn't be happier! My husband always wanted to name a daughter Mabel, after his great grandmother, so Mabel Louise McMahon it was!  Let the monogramming begin!!  I couldn't believe how fast I was growing.  I LOVED taking progress pics!   How fun was it to be pregnant at the same time as one of my best friends? This is my last progress pic at 37 weeks! This is the last picture I have of Brendan and I out before she was scheduled to be induced

May 16, 2016.  One of the scariest and best days of my life.  We were so nervous waiting to go in to the ultrasound.  We surely didn't think after our last miscarriage that it would happen to us again. Thankfully this time, we were right! BEST. DAY. EVER. We found out we were due December 26, 2016.  I thought, God works in mysterious ways.  My first full term pregnancy journey began.

There's something Magical about Marfa.  I should've know that's why my best High School friend chose it for his wedding. After two failed months of trying, the jokes on us, and we conceive on April Fool's Day in Marfa, Texas. April 17, 2016 I just finished a Yoga and Mimosa's Class.. feeling a little lightheaded.. I go home and decide wait.. I'm LATE.  So I took a test.  My medicine cabinet is stock full of these things... And much to my surprise... Ahhh! I'm still elated over positive pregnancy tests at the point.  I find another way to surprise Brendan and so the journey begins, again.  I found out after my second pregnancy that Beta HCG numbers were important.  So I immediately rushed to have my blood drawn.  We were hoping for my numbers to double.  I was hounding the nurses every couple of hours to get my results.  I was over the moon to see this:   131 to 434!  I cried like a baby! I had my blood drawn 24 hours later due to my history

This is the first of three Christmas Miscarriages.... We go in to our 8 week ultrasound so excited!  I've been feeling pretty good, tired but good!  We sit anxiously in the waiting room to be called back for our first ever ultrasound.  We go in, I lay down and the ultrasound starts.  After  a few minutes the tech looks at us and says "This is the reason why sometimes I hate my job".  Theres a sac, but there's no baby.  No fetal pole (I had no idea what in the heck that was) No heartbeat. No baby.  Total and complete devastation.  I was told it was a Blighted Ovum. Umm, what next?  D&C.  Surgery.  Wait, there's no chance for a baby to possibly grow?  No, surgery 5 days before Christmas.  That's your option.  So 5 days before Christmas I cried and wept and we had the D&C.  It was awful.  Not that the act of what happening was bad enough, but I endured the aftermath for 6 weeks after.  No one told me that I was going to be constantly reminded of that mi

Second Try - PREGNANT!  We were so excited!  We thought, well this is easy! I did the whole surprise gesture for Brendan.  I had a book made of all the photos from our honeymoon and the very last page was the picture of this pregnancy test.  We had gotten pregnant again!  We were so excited!  We cried and hugged and laughed.  I couldn't wait to tell my parents.  So I drove to out camp and did just that.  We were all ecstatic....

You would never think that you would actually get pregnant on your honeymoon.  Let alone, FIND OUT you're pregnant on your honeymoon... well, we did and I was ecstatic. We were in Bora Bora, what better place to find out you were pregnant?  What better time?  I mean, trying to find a pregnancy test was a bit of a challenge but we took a ferry to another island and walked to a pharmacy and found a pregnancy test (in another language) and sure enough I saw my first set of two pink lines.  We didn't know what to think.  We weren't NOT trying, we just didn't exactly know when to try.  Lucky us I thought.  Until it ended on the last leg, of the long 24 hour alcohol free flight for me.  Honeymoon, over. Blissfully unaware in Bora Bora

I've debated on posting this.  I've debated on doing a pregnancy announcement at all this go around.  When you're on your ninth pregnancy, praying for it to be your second successful pregnancy, emotions flare. The anxiety is almost overwhelming.  With that being said, there's been a tug on my heart to tell my story.  My infertility specialists asked me to tell my story, to inspire other women to not give up.  Although I do hope this blog inspires other women struggling on their infertility journey to not give up, I hope more that it informs those that are unaware, how many of us struggle to have a family.  One in Eight.  One in eight women struggle and I honestly believe it's more than that.  I don't have a single friend that I know of that hasn't had some hiccup in their fertility journey.  I will not tell you their story, but now, I am going to tell you mine. Disclaimer** I am NOT a writer.  Do not expect any literary genius.  Expect typos.  Expect run o