A Day at a Time
I like to think I'm not an overly anxious person. When things are thrown my way I handle them or cast them aside but typically don't let things ruffle my feathers too much. Now, there are exceptions. Some things will throw me into a complete spiral. This past Sunday, that's exactly what happened. It was just like any other day lately. Me, trying to take it easy. Not excelling in that department. I have a two and a half year old, fiery red head. She's my everything and it takes all that I have not to do everything she wants and needs of me. I can't turn "mommy-ing" off.
That morning, she wanted to shower with me, so in the shower we went. Midway through my shower I noticed I was bleeding. I tried to hide it from her, but honestly it was too much to conceal. She ticked right along playing in her bubbles as I tried as hard as I could to hold it together. I knew that bleeding was an option. My amniotic fluid from the day before was pink and I was told not to worry. Just the sight of it scared me to death. I immediately checked my temperature and got out the doppler. No fever, both babies are kicking and hearts are beating. I informed my doctors and they said I didn't need to come in unless it became constant.
We had friends coming over for a play date and to bring us dinner. (Side note, we've been so fortunate to be loved on by so many people bringing treats and meals for us! It really has made relaxing easier! All that know me, know I don't do well being still). About fifteen minutes into the playdate I felt like I had started leaking fluid, as I have come accustomed to. I went to clean up and I was so scared at what I was faced with. Way too much blood for my comfort level. I tried to stay calm and think this was an isolated case. Thirty minutes later I was faced with even more blood. I made the decision that is was time to go back to the hospital.
We were in the hospital around 7pm. Fortunately for me, the doctor on call was a family friend and actually at the hospital. They took blood, measured heart rates and did an ultrasound. Heart rates looked good and babies were moving around like crazy. After the ultrasound I wasn't exactly confident in my tech. I told my husband that I thought she measured the same baby twice. I didn't say anything to my doctor because I wasn't sure, but I had a feeling. I was told that Baby B has more fluid that Baby A! What?! That is crazy... I leak fluid all the time, how can that be? I was also told that my previa was back. Back? I didn't think once it went away that it came back. They told me they were going to keep me overnight to monitor me and that if I wasn't heavily bleeding I would be released in the morning. The hospital was so busy I slept in an exam room on a "bed" that was a stretcher. Not my favorite hospitalization. I was released the next morning and told that unless the bleeding picked up that I would just follow up with my regular OB.
The following day, I had a previously scheduled appointment with my regular OB. As I walk into the ultrasound, I tell the tech that apparently my previa is back and that Baby B has more fluid than Baby A. She immediately dismissed that to tell me that she saw that on the notes and checked my scans and confirmed that neither of these were the case. Yay for no previa! Ugh for Baby B. I knew in my gut that there was no way he had more fluid that Baby A, but I was hopeful after the ultrasound tech and radiologist from my latest hospitalization had confirmed otherwise.
During this ultrasound, babies were moving, hearts were beating. Such a relief. Baby B is scrunched up with not much room to move but there is SOME fluid in his sac. Not a lot, but a little over 1cm. She also did an unofficial "blood flow" of Baby B's cord and she said it looked good! That was amazing news. I'll hopefully get confirmation of that on Friday at my High Risk appointment.
We spoke a while with my OB that day. I asked him every question I could think of and he also came prepared with questions for us to ask and some information that would help us make decisions about our future. I left that appointment with a little more pep in my step. I'm carrying a little more hope than I have been. I know that the road in front of us is long. I know that the mountains we will climb are going to be steep but I feel like we have a chance. We decided after consulting with our doctor that I will be admitted to the hospital in Pensacola on October 10. I will be 24 weeks pregnant on October 10. As soon as I am admitted I will be given a two day dose of steroids to strengthen the babies’ lungs in case of an earlier than expected delivery. I will also start magnesium during my stay to help protect their brains from complications like cerebral palsy.
The new prayer is that I stay pregnant that long. We have many milestones, right now it's a day at a time. Every day is a milestone. Once we get to 24 weeks, 28 weeks will be the next goal. After 28 weeks, 30 weeks, then 32, then 34. Every day in, is 3 days less in the NICU (so I've heard). If we are fortunate enough to make it to 34 weeks, they will deliver me then, as it will be the most beneficial for Baby B. 34 weeks is December 19, one day before my daughter's birthday.
I have accepted being admitted to the hospital in two weeks. Am I excited? Not at all. Being away from my baby, my husband, my home, and my dogs sounds so lonely. I'm going to miss so much but I know I have so much to gain. If I were to go into labor and not be admitted the chances of the babies surviving are too slim. Statistically, their chances go up, just being delivered in a hospital with a NICU. If we make it to 34 weeks, and I pray we do, I will be hospitalized for 70 days. I will miss Halloween, Thanksgiving, and although I hope I give birth on the 19th, I most likely will still be hospitalized in recovery and won't be home for my daughter's 3rd birthday. Fortunately, with this timing, I believe I will be able to come home to celebrate Christmas as I pray I have two healthy boys gaining strength in the NICU. Which I know I will return quickly to them with my family after Santa comes. 😊
I have no idea how this is going to play out. I just know that it's not in my hands. This is God's plan and I'm trying to keep remembering that. Hopefully we get some more steady, good news this Friday and that these baby boys keep growing and thriving. Until then, I'm going to take it a day at a time and take every day these boys are in as a victory. Thank you so much for all of your kind words and prayers. I honestly cannot thank you enough!!
That morning, she wanted to shower with me, so in the shower we went. Midway through my shower I noticed I was bleeding. I tried to hide it from her, but honestly it was too much to conceal. She ticked right along playing in her bubbles as I tried as hard as I could to hold it together. I knew that bleeding was an option. My amniotic fluid from the day before was pink and I was told not to worry. Just the sight of it scared me to death. I immediately checked my temperature and got out the doppler. No fever, both babies are kicking and hearts are beating. I informed my doctors and they said I didn't need to come in unless it became constant.
We had friends coming over for a play date and to bring us dinner. (Side note, we've been so fortunate to be loved on by so many people bringing treats and meals for us! It really has made relaxing easier! All that know me, know I don't do well being still). About fifteen minutes into the playdate I felt like I had started leaking fluid, as I have come accustomed to. I went to clean up and I was so scared at what I was faced with. Way too much blood for my comfort level. I tried to stay calm and think this was an isolated case. Thirty minutes later I was faced with even more blood. I made the decision that is was time to go back to the hospital.
We were in the hospital around 7pm. Fortunately for me, the doctor on call was a family friend and actually at the hospital. They took blood, measured heart rates and did an ultrasound. Heart rates looked good and babies were moving around like crazy. After the ultrasound I wasn't exactly confident in my tech. I told my husband that I thought she measured the same baby twice. I didn't say anything to my doctor because I wasn't sure, but I had a feeling. I was told that Baby B has more fluid that Baby A! What?! That is crazy... I leak fluid all the time, how can that be? I was also told that my previa was back. Back? I didn't think once it went away that it came back. They told me they were going to keep me overnight to monitor me and that if I wasn't heavily bleeding I would be released in the morning. The hospital was so busy I slept in an exam room on a "bed" that was a stretcher. Not my favorite hospitalization. I was released the next morning and told that unless the bleeding picked up that I would just follow up with my regular OB.
The following day, I had a previously scheduled appointment with my regular OB. As I walk into the ultrasound, I tell the tech that apparently my previa is back and that Baby B has more fluid than Baby A. She immediately dismissed that to tell me that she saw that on the notes and checked my scans and confirmed that neither of these were the case. Yay for no previa! Ugh for Baby B. I knew in my gut that there was no way he had more fluid that Baby A, but I was hopeful after the ultrasound tech and radiologist from my latest hospitalization had confirmed otherwise.
During this ultrasound, babies were moving, hearts were beating. Such a relief. Baby B is scrunched up with not much room to move but there is SOME fluid in his sac. Not a lot, but a little over 1cm. She also did an unofficial "blood flow" of Baby B's cord and she said it looked good! That was amazing news. I'll hopefully get confirmation of that on Friday at my High Risk appointment.
We spoke a while with my OB that day. I asked him every question I could think of and he also came prepared with questions for us to ask and some information that would help us make decisions about our future. I left that appointment with a little more pep in my step. I'm carrying a little more hope than I have been. I know that the road in front of us is long. I know that the mountains we will climb are going to be steep but I feel like we have a chance. We decided after consulting with our doctor that I will be admitted to the hospital in Pensacola on October 10. I will be 24 weeks pregnant on October 10. As soon as I am admitted I will be given a two day dose of steroids to strengthen the babies’ lungs in case of an earlier than expected delivery. I will also start magnesium during my stay to help protect their brains from complications like cerebral palsy.
The new prayer is that I stay pregnant that long. We have many milestones, right now it's a day at a time. Every day is a milestone. Once we get to 24 weeks, 28 weeks will be the next goal. After 28 weeks, 30 weeks, then 32, then 34. Every day in, is 3 days less in the NICU (so I've heard). If we are fortunate enough to make it to 34 weeks, they will deliver me then, as it will be the most beneficial for Baby B. 34 weeks is December 19, one day before my daughter's birthday.
I have accepted being admitted to the hospital in two weeks. Am I excited? Not at all. Being away from my baby, my husband, my home, and my dogs sounds so lonely. I'm going to miss so much but I know I have so much to gain. If I were to go into labor and not be admitted the chances of the babies surviving are too slim. Statistically, their chances go up, just being delivered in a hospital with a NICU. If we make it to 34 weeks, and I pray we do, I will be hospitalized for 70 days. I will miss Halloween, Thanksgiving, and although I hope I give birth on the 19th, I most likely will still be hospitalized in recovery and won't be home for my daughter's 3rd birthday. Fortunately, with this timing, I believe I will be able to come home to celebrate Christmas as I pray I have two healthy boys gaining strength in the NICU. Which I know I will return quickly to them with my family after Santa comes. 😊
I have no idea how this is going to play out. I just know that it's not in my hands. This is God's plan and I'm trying to keep remembering that. Hopefully we get some more steady, good news this Friday and that these baby boys keep growing and thriving. Until then, I'm going to take it a day at a time and take every day these boys are in as a victory. Thank you so much for all of your kind words and prayers. I honestly cannot thank you enough!!
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