The Wild Ride of Infertility

I know I'm fortunate to find out I'm pregnant in some pretty spectacular places.. Bora Bora in 2015, Destin, Florida in 2015, 2016 (successfully), 2017, and multiple times in 2018, and in the Bahamas in 2019.  Fortunate for the locations, not for most of the outcomes. We were going back to the same house on the same island as we had gone the year before.  The same house I had confirmed yet another pregnancy that was lost. Let's be honest, I was so ready to go to the Bahamas.  Go on a vacation with family and friends after all of the head spinning, hormone induced crazy I had experienced over the past 6 months. My husband and I needed the break. We needed a chance to be us without all of the medication, without all of the stress.  Little did I know how much more stressful this would be.  The day after we arrived it was time to test. May 19th, 2019 I woke up at daylight knowing I was going to test.  Everyone in the house was asleep.  It. Is. Positive.  OMG!  My first

Here is a list of my meds and my protocol leading up to my Frozen Transfer. May 14, 2019 - Transfer Day! This was the easiest part of the whole process!  We went in, I laid down.  The embryologist gave the doctor the embryos, he inserted them, I laid still for ten minutes and we left. Totally painless.  My doctor was super positive, as were all of the nurses.  It was an awesome moment.  I was officially PUPO.  Not my favorite term 😆 but it means "Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise". Brendan and I right after our transfer! Now, let's go to the Bahamas!

I was told in the days leading up to my Egg Retrieval that my numbers looked great!  11 follicles on the right ovary and 9 on the left ovary.  20 possibilities!  We were so excited.  The administration of the shots and the scheduling was a little nerve wracking (I hate needles) but I got through it and it truly wasn't that bad. April 1st, 2019.  On the day of the retrieval I woke up to find we had 18 Eggs! It was time to start praying.  I knew in the next 5 days I would be told how many were mature, fertilized, day 1, day 3 and day 5 embryos. 24 hours after my retrieval I was told out of the 18 retrieved, only 13 were mature and 11 fertilized.  It knocked the wind out of me but 11, I could be positive about 11! Day 3, there were 7.  I was still holding onto hope! Day 5, there were 4!  FOUR!! I CAN HANDLE 4!!   Then I got the call... while we were taking our daughter to her first trip to Disney World.  "After we tried to biopsy your eggs we found that one

It’s a weird thing to want something to be wrong with you.  Who would wish for their doctor to tell them that they have a condition?  Me.  Why?  If he could give me a diagnosis then there undoubtedly would be a solution!  There would be a cause for all of this misery.  I could use an excuse for why I was experiencing miscarriage after miscarriage.   If it was a polyp we could remove it, if my progesterone was low, we could supplement it, if the lining of my uterus was too thin we could try to fix that too!  The only problem was, after all the testing: the blood draws, the biopsies, the ultrasounds, the hysteroscopy.. There was nothing.  Not one glaring issue. Not even a combination of small issues.  Plus my husband’s sperm was perfect.  So they diagnosed me with Unexplained Secondary Infertility/ Unexplained Multiple Recurrent Loss.  Basically meaning, we have no explanation for why you keep miscarrying.  It’s just bad luck.  BAD LUCK?! 7 miscarriages isn’t just bad luck it’s like livi

Christmas 2017... Get my Beta HCG draws, never any numbers over 23.  I find out Christmas Eve that I'm miscarrying.  Pregnancy resolves naturally. Keep Trying... 4 failed months of trying.  Trying so damn hard my marriage is struggling because of it.   May 2018... We head to the Bahamas to find out while we're there, that we're pregnant again! Get home to do my Beta HCG Draws.  Almost identical situation to my previous pregnancy.  Never any numbers over 24.  Another Miscarriage... this time I don't know if I can try again... August 2018... We are in Colorado on vacation and I start feeling really terrible.  There's no way I'm pregnant because I just had my period, but I'm bleeding again?  I go take a test.  Positive.  WHAT?  I end up spending that night in the ER in fear of an ectopic pregnancy.  Luckily, it resolved on its own.  Positive pregnancy test are now daunting.  I almost want them to be negative as much as I want them to be

Thanks be to God!  What an amazing day!! Every single tear was worth this moment! Born via induction, at 9:05pm on December 20, 2016.  8 pounds, 5 ounces of perfection.  21 1/2 inches long.    With red hair!

Most women can't say they enjoyed being pregnant.  I LOVED it!  I was so happy to be pregnant. I felt good. I walked 5 miles a day (apart from those two weeks that I was diagnosed with partial previa, which thankfully resolved on its own). I had a lot of energy (well until the third trimester).  But all in all I was just happy! We were so excited we were going to be having a baby girl.  We had heard the heart beat, gotten great blood work back from our genetic testing.  Everything was looking perfect and we couldn't be happier! My husband always wanted to name a daughter Mabel, after his great grandmother, so Mabel Louise McMahon it was!  Let the monogramming begin!!  I couldn't believe how fast I was growing.  I LOVED taking progress pics!   How fun was it to be pregnant at the same time as one of my best friends? This is my last progress pic at 37 weeks! This is the last picture I have of Brendan and I out before she was scheduled to be induced

May 16, 2016.  One of the scariest and best days of my life.  We were so nervous waiting to go in to the ultrasound.  We surely didn't think after our last miscarriage that it would happen to us again. Thankfully this time, we were right! BEST. DAY. EVER. We found out we were due December 26, 2016.  I thought, God works in mysterious ways.  My first full term pregnancy journey began.

There's something Magical about Marfa.  I should've know that's why my best High School friend chose it for his wedding. After two failed months of trying, the jokes on us, and we conceive on April Fool's Day in Marfa, Texas. April 17, 2016 I just finished a Yoga and Mimosa's Class.. feeling a little lightheaded.. I go home and decide wait.. I'm LATE.  So I took a test.  My medicine cabinet is stock full of these things... And much to my surprise... Ahhh! I'm still elated over positive pregnancy tests at the point.  I find another way to surprise Brendan and so the journey begins, again.  I found out after my second pregnancy that Beta HCG numbers were important.  So I immediately rushed to have my blood drawn.  We were hoping for my numbers to double.  I was hounding the nurses every couple of hours to get my results.  I was over the moon to see this:   131 to 434!  I cried like a baby! I had my blood drawn 24 hours later due to my history

This is the first of three Christmas Miscarriages.... We go in to our 8 week ultrasound so excited!  I've been feeling pretty good, tired but good!  We sit anxiously in the waiting room to be called back for our first ever ultrasound.  We go in, I lay down and the ultrasound starts.  After  a few minutes the tech looks at us and says "This is the reason why sometimes I hate my job".  Theres a sac, but there's no baby.  No fetal pole (I had no idea what in the heck that was) No heartbeat. No baby.  Total and complete devastation.  I was told it was a Blighted Ovum. Umm, what next?  D&C.  Surgery.  Wait, there's no chance for a baby to possibly grow?  No, surgery 5 days before Christmas.  That's your option.  So 5 days before Christmas I cried and wept and we had the D&C.  It was awful.  Not that the act of what happening was bad enough, but I endured the aftermath for 6 weeks after.  No one told me that I was going to be constantly reminded of that mi

Second Try - PREGNANT!  We were so excited!  We thought, well this is easy! I did the whole surprise gesture for Brendan.  I had a book made of all the photos from our honeymoon and the very last page was the picture of this pregnancy test.  We had gotten pregnant again!  We were so excited!  We cried and hugged and laughed.  I couldn't wait to tell my parents.  So I drove to out camp and did just that.  We were all ecstatic....

You would never think that you would actually get pregnant on your honeymoon.  Let alone, FIND OUT you're pregnant on your honeymoon... well, we did and I was ecstatic. We were in Bora Bora, what better place to find out you were pregnant?  What better time?  I mean, trying to find a pregnancy test was a bit of a challenge but we took a ferry to another island and walked to a pharmacy and found a pregnancy test (in another language) and sure enough I saw my first set of two pink lines.  We didn't know what to think.  We weren't NOT trying, we just didn't exactly know when to try.  Lucky us I thought.  Until it ended on the last leg, of the long 24 hour alcohol free flight for me.  Honeymoon, over. Blissfully unaware in Bora Bora

I've debated on posting this.  I've debated on doing a pregnancy announcement at all this go around.  When you're on your ninth pregnancy, praying for it to be your second successful pregnancy, emotions flare. The anxiety is almost overwhelming.  With that being said, there's been a tug on my heart to tell my story.  My infertility specialists asked me to tell my story, to inspire other women to not give up.  Although I do hope this blog inspires other women struggling on their infertility journey to not give up, I hope more that it informs those that are unaware, how many of us struggle to have a family.  One in Eight.  One in eight women struggle and I honestly believe it's more than that.  I don't have a single friend that I know of that hasn't had some hiccup in their fertility journey.  I will not tell you their story, but now, I am going to tell you mine. Disclaimer** I am NOT a writer.  Do not expect any literary genius.  Expect typos.  Expect run o