The Wild Ride of Infertility

I've had a few days to digest our latest doctor's appointment.  Luckily, I haven't been googling every new diagnosis, or reading too much into everything we learned, because honestly, we didn't get any bad news! Our latest appointment with our High Risk Doctor was probably the best appointment we've had since we started to learn of any negative conditions pertaining to this pregnancy.  As most do, our appointment started with an ultrasound.  Our tech was so bubbly and sweet.  Both boys were moving around like crazy and she kept commenting on how active they were!  We saw Baby Wright suck his thumb and Baby Brendan take a practice breath!  Baby Brendan's fluid is still low but that was to be expected.  He had a full stomach and bladder though so we know he's still making fluid!  Baby Wright's fluid looked great and he was doing acrobatics!  She did a blood flow test and took some more scans (I can never hardly tell what they are looking at, ...

I like to think I'm not an overly anxious person.  When things are thrown my way I handle them or cast them aside but typically don't let things ruffle my feathers too much.  Now, there are exceptions.  Some things will throw me into a complete spiral.  This past Sunday, that's exactly what happened.  It was just like any other day lately.  Me, trying to take it easy.  Not excelling in that department.  I have a two and a half year old, fiery red head.  She's my everything and it takes all that I have not to do everything she wants and needs of me.  I can't turn "mommy-ing" off. That morning, she wanted to shower with me, so in the shower we went.  Midway through my shower I noticed I was bleeding.  I tried to hide it from her, but honestly it was too much to conceal.  She ticked right along playing in her bubbles as I tried as hard as I could to hold it together.  I knew that bleeding was an option.  My amniot...

First, let me start by saying that the Holy Spirit IS PRESENT.  One person can not fathom the love, support, prayer, faith and devotion all of you have shown.  I am overwhelmed by the response we have gotten from all of you and could not be more thankful.  So THANK YOU.  I know God is hearing your prayers and it means the absolute world to me. For a lot of you wondering, we have explored our options.  We discussed transferring to hospitals around the country.  We discussed being admitted now instead of waiting until the 23 week mark.  We considered all of the Level 4 NICUS.  We made the decision that was right for us.  The team I have behind me at Sacred Heart supports me.  Like I've said before, I am SO LUCKY to personally know three of the OB's at Sacred Heart.  Not only do I know them, I respect them and I am SO grateful for them.  I know if I transferred to a bigger hospital I would just be another patient.  To these...

September 11, 2019 I wake up on this morning thinking maybe I had another leaking episode.  I kind of brush it off and go about my day.  I’ve got to get Mabel to school on time.  No time to lose.  After I drop Mabel off I am headed to run some errands and a gush happens.  What the heck, I thought I was done with these. Needless to say it was enough to alarm me but it was exactly what happened the previous Monday so I wasn’t worried.  A few hours later at lunch, it happens again. Gotta get moving, I have to go pick up Mabel from school, I’ll have to deal with this after pickup.  Luckily, Mabel, per usual wants to ride home with Kathryn, so I tell her I’m going to run home and clean up.  On my way home, it happens again.  By this time I’m a little more concerned but not freaking out.  I text my doctor and he tells me to come in just so he can see me before the weekend.  Thankfully Mabel is taken care of, so I rush up to my doctor’s ...

September 9, 2019 I wake up around 4am.  My shorts are wet.  My panties are wet.  What in the heck?  Surely I haven’t wet the bed.  Surely, that’s not what that is...  How embarrassing.  I go get cleaned up and crawl back in bed.  My curiosity again gets the best of me and I take to the deep dark web.  Always such a terrible idea.   I read myself into crazy and decide to text my friend who is an OB and ask her thoughts.  She says it’s most likely urine (I’m mortified) but to keep an eye on it.  If I keep leaking to come in and have it checked.  I go on about my day with no issues until we sit down for dinner.  I can feel the fluid coming out.  I know for sure I am not tee-teeing on myself.  Remember that same dress that I bled all over around 12 weeks?  Well now that dress is wet.   I text my friend whose a doctor and my actual a doctor and they both tell me to come in just to be sure. I arrive...

September 4th, 2019 I’ve been feeling good and I am very hopeful that my previa has moved up and out of the way.  Maybe I can start at least walking again!  We go in for my ultrasound and the babies are kicking and moving with strong heartbeats. This was the first ultrasound I had where they checked the babies size by more than just their crown to rump length.  They measured their heads, femur lengths and a couple of other measurements.  They move so fast I couldn’t keep up.  I can still see the clot on the screen but know I am going to have to wait to talk to the Doctor about that.   My doctor comes in and tells me the good news:  No more previa!  Yay!!!!  I can do light exercise!  Starting out with some walking, if that goes well I can even introduce spinning. I am overjoyed!  Still on pelvic rest which is a bummer but I’ll take the exercise! There is a little bit of concerning news for me but my doctor tells me he’s not wor...

Let me first let you in on how many times I’ve tried to figure out what the gender of my babies are... Before we even transferred our embryos, we had them PGS tested.  As previously mentioned, those tests came back inconclusive.  Had they not, I would’ve had an idea of what genders I would’ve been transferring. At ten weeks, I had my blood drawn for genetic abnormalities and the genders.  I planned a gender reveal for around eleven weeks as I figured that was when my results would come in.  Well, they came in, but guess what?! Inconclusive. They cannot perform the test on those that have a vanishing twin/triplet. Ugh.  They tell us we won’t know the genders until around 16 weeks during an ultrasound. Back up to my last ultrasound at my previous doctors office at 12 weeks... the ultrasound tells us not go out buying pink and blue outfits but that if should could guess by looking at our ultrasound, it was a boy and a girl!!!  Pretty much the whole time ...

We’ve finally come to terms with the clot.  I’m upset that I’m on bed rest.  Like, depressed.  I am an active person.  I need to be moving.  We were going Out West to hike, to be active, to be outside, to spend our last vacation as family of three together doing whatever we want.  I wanted this vacation to spend with my daughter, taking her all over the mountains and running and chasing her and just immersing myself with her.  I needed the vacation with my husband.  Things have been a little tumultuous at home with me being a bit crazy about my pregnancy and work and everything else life was throwing at us.  The last thing I wanted was to be upset before we left.  Problem was, I was upset and I felt so guilty.  I kept telling myself to be happy!  You’re pregnant!  With TWO babies.  Take it easy for them.  You’re doing this for them.  I was so happy about that, it was the rest that was getting to me.  I ...

July 15, 2019 I wake up in the middle of the night to use the restroom, like I do typically, many times a night, due to pregnancy.  Although this time I’m met with much more than I anticipated.  Blood, and an alarming amount.  I immediately get cleaned up and get back in bed and just hope it away.  Obviously, my anxiety gets the best of me, I text my mom, ask her if she can come over to watch Mabel.  She obviously jumps in the car and is there before I can even get Brendan up and informed on what is going on. I’ll be honest.  On our way to the hospital that night, I had told myself that this was it.  It was happening, again.  We were admitted and they ran all of the appropriate tests.  All I wanted to see was the ultrasound.  We were in the ER, so after we checked all of the boxes and a few hours later, the ultrasound tech came in.  She did her thing and said nothing.  The screen wasn’t pointed toward me but Brendan was doi...